Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Murphy's Technology Laws (Humor and maybe some truth!)





You can never tell which way the train went by looking
at the track.

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong
conclusion with confidence.

Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn
fool discovers something which either abolishes the
system or expands it beyond recognition.

Technology is dominated by those who manage what they
do not understand.

If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote
programs, then the first woodpecker that came along
would destroy civilization.

The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely
with the fundamental solvency of the firm.

The attention span of a computer is only as long as it
electrical cord.

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and
less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe
and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint
on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.

All great discoveries are made by mistake.

Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.

Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

All's well that ends.

A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and
the hours are lost.

The first myth of management is that it exists.

A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final
inspection.

New systems generate new problems.

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a
computer.

We don't know one millionth of one percent about
anything.

Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable
from magic.

A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20
men working 20 years make.

The faster a computer is, the faster it will reach a
crashed state.

Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting
in an honest day's work.

Some people manage by the book, even though they don't
know who wrote the book or even what book.

The primary function of the design engineer is to make
things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for
the serviceman.

To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will
take the longest and cost the most.

After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said
than done.

Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is
obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts
which are still under development.

A complex system that works is invariably found to have
evolved from a simple system that works.

If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try
multiplying by the page number.

Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more
unreliable. Any system which depends on human
reliability is unreliable.

Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that
might go into a "Pearl Harbor File."

Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of
pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other
variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.

If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.

The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds
that the competition already has the order.

In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can 
be totaled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The
correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. on
Monday.

Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it
itches.

All things are possible except skiing through a revolving
door.

The only perfect science is hind-sight.

Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.

If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.

If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

When all else fails, read the instructions.

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong
the one that will cause the most damage will be the one
to go wrong.

Everything that goes up must come down.

Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least
accessible corner.

Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated
way.

Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool
will want to use it.

The degree of technical competence is inversely
proportional to the level of management.

Any attempt to print Murphy's laws will jam the printer.


Have a great day/evening!  :)

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Hotel Correspondence (Humor but supposedly a true story!)




Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a 
London hotel's staff and one of its guests.  The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times.


WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THOSE "FREE" SOAPS WHEN TRAVELLING

******************************************************

Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial.  Please remove the six
unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another
three in the shower soap dish.  They are in my way. 

Thank you,
S. Berman
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Room 635,

I am not your regular maid.  She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from
her day off.  I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as
you requested.  The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put
on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind.
This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the
management is to leave 3 soaps daily.

I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy, Relief Maid

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Maid -- 

I hope you are my regular maid.
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the
little bars of soap.  When I got back to my room this evening I found
you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I
am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought 
my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are 
on the shelf.  They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. 
Please remove them.

S. Berman

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Mr. Berman,

My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we
are instructed by the management.  I took the 6 soaps which were in 
your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial 
was.  put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. 
didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside
the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did 
not object to when you checked in last Monday.  Please let me
know if I can of further assistance. 

Your regular maid,

Dotty

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Mr. Berman,

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you
called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid
service.  I have assigned a new girl to your room.  I hope you will
accept my apologies for any past inconvenience.  If you have any
future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal
attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.  

Thank you.

Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Miss Carmen,

It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
business at 745 AM and don't get back before 530 or 6PM.  That's the
reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night.  You were already off duty.
I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little
bars of soap.  The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a
new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my
medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the
bath-room shelf.  In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars
of soap.  Why are you doing this to me?

S. Berman

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Mr. Berman,

Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your
room and remove the extra soaps.  If I can be of further assistance,
please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.  

Thank you,

Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Mr. Kensedder,

My bath-size Dial is missing.  Every bar of soap was taken from my room
including my own bath-size Dial.  I came in late last night and had to
call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.

S. Berman

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Mr. Berman,

I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. 
cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our 
maids  are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a 
room. The situation will be rectified immediately.  Please accept my 
apologies for the inconvenience.

Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room?  I came in last
night and found 54 little bars of soap.  I don't want 54 little bars
of Camay.  I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial.  Do you realize I
have 54 bars of soap in here.  All I want is my bath size Dial.
Please give me back my bath-size Dial.

S. Berman

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Mr. Berman,

You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. 
Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was 
missing so personally returned them.  The 24 Camays which had 
been taken and the Camays you are supposed to receive daily (sic).  
I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets.  Obviously 
your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she 
also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where 
you got the idea this hotel issues  bath-size Dial.  I was able to locate 
some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.

Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
As of today I possess:

- On shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1
stack of 2.
- On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
- On bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4
hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4. - Inside medicine
cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
- In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
- On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used. - On
northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
neatly piled and dusted.  Also, please advise her that stacks of more
than 4 have a tendency to tip.  May I suggest that my bedroom window
sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap
deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized
Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further
misunderstandings.



Thanks for reading!