Serendipity

1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed. 2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle. 3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!) 4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin. 5. Write partner’s name on your hand in case you can’t remember. 6. Keep the poligrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed. 7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act. 8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too. 9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news. 10. Don’t even think about trying it twice. ************************************ **I hope this brought a smile to your face!  Have a great day/night...and thanks for stopping by!

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results: Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth. Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool. Drink: Blender Drinks Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the buttocks. Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy. Drink: Mixed Drinks Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows exactly what she wants. Your Approach: You won't have to approach her,> if she is interested, she'll send YOU a drink. Drink: Wine - (does not include White Zinfandel, see below) Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles. Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends. Drink: White Zinfandel Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has no clue.

[Thinking Girl DeviantID 2 by discoandrea] 1. "I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." - Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer) 2. (On the difference between men and women:) "On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars." - Bruce Willis 3. "And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'" - George Burns 4. "What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'" - Sandra Bullock 5. "The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will ask, 'Specify type of goat.'" -Jason Alexander (from Seinfeld) 6. "Luge strategy? Li