Serendipity

photo by me: Debra Myers 2012 For the last four weeks, more or less, I have been struggling mentally, because of having depression and PTSD. It happens to me every year at this time, right before the Thanksgiving/Christmas holidays roll in. I honestly can't pin-point when it started, all I know is that I can't remember ever living my life without this low point every year. I know that it is the sum total of a lot of things, both internal and external, things that are within my control to some degree, and other things that are out of my control. I am a worrier, stress over finances, especially around Christmas (I live on a fixed  income), worry about what my kids will think of me one way or another...and I know I shouldn't. I am their mom, after-all...and can only do what I can do. This time of year has a sense of loss in it for me, even after 37 years, when I suffered through the following holidays without my mom. (She was killed by a drunk driver, Feb. 8, 1975...

© Debra Myers How do I begin to tell you how I am feeling these days...which has now turned into at least two weeks? Shall I define it in single words?   Depression. Anxiety. Love/hate. Sadness. Withdrawal. Pain. Loneliness.  This is nothing new for me. I have been dealing with seasonal depression for as along as I have been an adult, and it's always worse with the holidays coming up: Thanksgiving and Christmas. Why? I wish I could definitively tell you. For me...I think all the traumatic incidences that have happened in my life coalesce at this time of year for some unknown reason. It all comes back to me in waves...some days it's my past that plays battle in my mind, other days it's whatever has happened in the last eight years, as far as my children go.  There is moments of overwhelming sadness...of things lost...my innocence, my youth, my mom, my sense of family. And right now, I think that it's the sense of family...meaning that of my children no...

  While we take time to remember the reasons why we do celebrate Memorial Day, it gives us pause to think about other things that we can be thankful for...God (if you are religious), your country and those who have died protecting it, and family. I have created a List of Abundance to share with you...to give you some thoughts of those things we can be thankful for: * our lives...and being alive, despite what our physical shapes/conditions may be * our family...parents, siblings, children, etc. * our livelihoods...whatever they may be * our homes, be they bought, rented   or whatever constitutes a roof over your head * our ability to think and act freely, to use our intelligence to better ourselves * to know the difference between right and wrong; good and evil * to enjoy each day to the fullest * to see a smile or a sparkle in someone's eyes * to enjoy the simple pleasures of life...as well as the finer things The list could go on and on...but the ...

When I was a child, Easters were much different than they are now.  Time has commercialized the holidays, and this one is no different.  There is some sadness because children today, aren't taught what Easter is really all about. As I child, I was brought up not only in a religious household, but a dual one...my dad was Catholic and my mom was Protestant.  I learned both religions, as well as learned their differences.  But that is of little importance to the memories I have of those childhood Easters. Easter was celebrated knowing it was when Jesus was resurrected, but also we knew that the Easter Bunny came too...bringing sweet treats in baskets overflowing with green plastic (or paper) grass. It was a time to color eggs, and decorate them with stickers and whatnot.   As well, it was a time for getting a new Easter outfit, which for us girls, would include not only a dress, but a hat and even gloves, so that when we went to church, we were dress...