Serendipity

1. The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient. 2. My therapist said  that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me. 3. My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I've gained since then. 4. I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?” 5. Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks! 6. If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “Thank you” is all I need ... not all this, “How did you get into my house?” business! 7. The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something. 8. On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week. Whereas, a Japanese man will hav...

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results: Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth. Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool. Drink: Blender Drinks Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the buttocks. Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy. Drink: Mixed Drinks Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows exactly what she wants. Your Approach: You won't have to approach her,> if she is interested, she'll send YOU a drink. Drink: Wine - (does not include White Zinfandel, see below) Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles. Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends. Drink: White Zinfandel Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has no clue....

Not my kitchen...just one from an image search! So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust! Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! I clean house every other day. Today is the other day. If you write in the dust, please don't date it! I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener! A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life. My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it! I came, I saw, I decided to order take out. If you don't like my standards of cooking ...lower your  standards. Although you'll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. It doesn't always look like this: Some days it's even worse. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is  delirious. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand! Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. Countless number of people have...