Serendipity

I have gotten up these past few mornings, realizing that I am doing the same things day after day after day. Especially in the morning. I  get up, make coffee, set the coffee cups up to have coffee added to them. I split the English muffins and put two (whole ones) in the 4-slice toaster.  Then I get out a small yogurt-sized cup for my boyfriend's applesauce, which he takes his pills with. I warm up the small fry pan, spray with generic butter spray. Two eggs go in and the yoke is broke for the home style egg and cheese english muffin.  When I open the 3 pieces cheese, Luna, our Great Pyrenees, comes running for her daily slice of cheese. Next, coffee gets poured, toaster buttons go down and muffin halves get buttered before putting the sandwiches together.  At the table, I take my boyfriend's blood glucose, dish out his pills, then turn to my insulin that I have to give to myself. Two different kinds: Basaglar and Fiasp...long term and short term insulin...

IBS-D changes the way you live It wasn't that long ago, maybe 4-5 years, that I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I'd always known something wasn't right with me, there would be times that my skin felt like it was on fire and that anything touching my skin like clothing, made it almost intolerable. I've felt this since I was maybe 15 or 16 years old. (My mom likely had the same thing, as she also complained of this.) If you don't know Fibromyalgia is, the Mayo Clinic says:  " Fibromyalgia is a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory and mood issues. Researchers believe that fibromyalgia amplifies painful sensations by affecting the way your brain processes pain signals. While there is no cure for Fibromyalgia, a variety of medications can help control symptoms. Exercise, relaxation and stress-reduction measures also may help." I take medication that really helps the nerves not misfire an...

If you'd asked me a few years ago if I could stand being by myself, I probably would have replied "No". In fact, I have never in all my adult years lived by myself or at least spent most of my time alone. I've always had someone there, a husband/significant other or other family member, so I was never really  alone.  Since moving here, I have learned to enjoy the alone time...even for days at a time.  I have gone through stages though to get to this point.  The first stage was a deep loneliness, and with it came a round of depression almost as deep. The next stage was one of keeping myself busy with making my crochet items for my shop on Etsy . If I kept my mind and hands busy I couldn't think. The next stage I really began to enjoy the quiet and the ease of not having anyone to be here with me. I could do what I wanted, when I wanted and how I wanted. Pretty sad to come to this point as a 59 year old woman! LOL In all honesty, I am glad that I have com...

Leaving behind the recent past I know I have been really bad about keeping everyone posted about my life over the past 5 years. As of the 2nd of September, things changed and what was, no longer is. Five years ago this past May, I happened to figuratively bump into a guy I'd gone to school with. He had returned to New York after living in the South for most of a decade. He wanted to know if we could get together for a 'catch-up' session, I said "Sure". I never expected that we would click right off the bat. We did though and by the end of the day that we spent together, I was hooked and didn't want him to leave. I had never had this kind of feeling of ease with anyone before. From that point on, it was like we'd found our soul mates. By that November, we had moved in together and life was good. We blended very well for the first year or so then things gradually started to change and the red flags started to pop up on occasion. I ignored them.  ...

As I am known for inspirational quotes on my Facebook page, Serendipity ...I would like to share some here that I found on a website via Oprah .  I have a fondness for quotes like this, as they become a reminder not to belittle myself, that there really is hope out there for us, as well as helping me with my own bouts of depression.  I truly hope that of these, you will find one that will sing to your soul. And with that, I bid you all a wonderful day! Remember, "LIKE" my page on Facebook and stay updated! 

Jesse Gourley, Founder of PTSD TKO Evansville, IN --  Jesse Gourley is a typical, fun-loving 8-year old, who loves camping, writing and drawing. Already she carries a heavy load on her heart for one so young, experiencing firsthand what PTSD has done to her father. Jesse has experienced fear, hurt and anxiety in a time of her life that she should be solely enjoying her childhood. Shawn and Jesse Her mom, author and owner/founder of  Military with PTSD , Shawn explains that she has done her best to ease things for her children, telling them no more than needed, about why daddy acts like he does and seems so angry at times. Shawn knows though, that children don't really understand PTSD. Unfortunately, most adults don't either. Shawn explained to me how TKO came to be: "Jesse came to me with the idea of TKO. They bet me they could raise more PTSD awareness than I could and said the theme was 'Momma said knock you out' and from th...

photo by me: Debra Myers 2012 For the last four weeks, more or less, I have been struggling mentally, because of having depression and PTSD. It happens to me every year at this time, right before the Thanksgiving/Christmas holidays roll in. I honestly can't pin-point when it started, all I know is that I can't remember ever living my life without this low point every year. I know that it is the sum total of a lot of things, both internal and external, things that are within my control to some degree, and other things that are out of my control. I am a worrier, stress over finances, especially around Christmas (I live on a fixed  income), worry about what my kids will think of me one way or another...and I know I shouldn't. I am their mom, after-all...and can only do what I can do. This time of year has a sense of loss in it for me, even after 37 years, when I suffered through the following holidays without my mom. (She was killed by a drunk driver, Feb. 8, 1975...

© Debra Myers How do I begin to tell you how I am feeling these days...which has now turned into at least two weeks? Shall I define it in single words?   Depression. Anxiety. Love/hate. Sadness. Withdrawal. Pain. Loneliness.  This is nothing new for me. I have been dealing with seasonal depression for as along as I have been an adult, and it's always worse with the holidays coming up: Thanksgiving and Christmas. Why? I wish I could definitively tell you. For me...I think all the traumatic incidences that have happened in my life coalesce at this time of year for some unknown reason. It all comes back to me in waves...some days it's my past that plays battle in my mind, other days it's whatever has happened in the last eight years, as far as my children go.  There is moments of overwhelming sadness...of things lost...my innocence, my youth, my mom, my sense of family. And right now, I think that it's the sense of family...meaning that of my children no...

Moon...10/19/12  6:05 p.m. EST I want to offer my sincere apologizes to my followers for not having wrote anything substantial in a while. My mind has been all over the place for weeks on end, and I have really had a hard time focusing on any one thing for long. And I don't know why...but I have a feeling that it is another facet of my depression.  As well, it has been a busy Summer and early Fall for me. I had all my teeth removed back in the early Spring, then had to wait for over 2 months before I could have the dentist build my dentures. One more visit...next Wednesday, and I will be the proud owner of some new teeth! (I can actually "chew" again, and even eat the foods that I have missed sooo much!!!) Of course, there was the garden that we tended to and harvested; the photography; many hours of just sitting outside watching the birds and the clouds, and feeling the breezes on my face.  Heaven. With the school year starting, came obligations for me t...

Fog on the hillside 6/4/2012 As a child, I can remember absolutely hating rainy days, especially when they hit on the weekend, and of the two days, the worst was when it was a rainy Sunday. I would often lay down and take a nap in the afternoon...out of sheer boredom. Then, the smells of supper cooking would wake me from a deep sleep. So gray and dismal...6/4/2012 What I didn't know then, and didn't learn until several years ago, I had depression which became full-blown on days like that, and even now...these kinds of days still put me under the weather with feeling very sleepy, and having a low energy level.  rain drops on the wires...6/4/2012 I-hate-rainy-days!!!     And especially rainy Sundays.  raindrops hitting the deck...6/4/2012 As anyone with depression knows...depression is often made worse by certain environmental factors. Rainy or gray days make it worse for a lot of us. Being stuck inside during gray Winter da...

Nothing more can be said... The very word gets my blood boiling...and with good reason: I was raped when I was 18 and 7 months pregnant for my first child. The offender: a guy I knew from school and from my first husband. I did not report it. When you tell the man that is supposed to love and protect you that another man has raped you, and he laughs and replies: "Friends share with friends," how do you tell anyone else? Would THEY believe you? Here are some interesting and frightening statistics from RTS--rape trauma services : Only 16% of rapes are ever reported to the police. In a survey of victims who did not report rape or attempted rape to the police, the following was found as to why no report was made: 43% thought nothing could be done, 27% felt it was a private matter, 12% were afraid of police response, and 12% felt it was not important enough. Rape is the most underreported violent crime in the United States. I am one of the 43%. How ma...

I am the first to admit that I haven't had the best of luck with love...having been married and divorced three times...whether it was because of what he did or because of something I did or did not do.  And here I am, 10 years after my breakdown, finding out that sometimes, love isn't enough to make things work.   Essentially, my move to Wisconsin didn't turn out like I hoped/dreamed it would.  I really thought, I really believed I was ready for a new start, a new relationship...but I am not.  Not mentally or emotionally.  Too many ghosts still haunt me, too much has happened too fast.  I took too big of a step and have spent that last couple of weeks in misery...my depression has returned along with a ton of self-doubts. Also, there is the fact that this man and I don't mesh as well as I thought we would...we are too old and too set in our ways.  When we clash, we clash hard yet we have had some wonderful times together...I can't deny that....