Serendipity

© Debra Myers How do I begin to tell you how I am feeling these days...which has now turned into at least two weeks? Shall I define it in single words?   Depression. Anxiety. Love/hate. Sadness. Withdrawal. Pain. Loneliness.  This is nothing new for me. I have been dealing with seasonal depression for as along as I have been an adult, and it's always worse with the holidays coming up: Thanksgiving and Christmas. Why? I wish I could definitively tell you. For me...I think all the traumatic incidences that have happened in my life coalesce at this time of year for some unknown reason. It all comes back to me in waves...some days it's my past that plays battle in my mind, other days it's whatever has happened in the last eight years, as far as my children go.  There is moments of overwhelming sadness...of things lost...my innocence, my youth, my mom, my sense of family. And right now, I think that it's the sense of family...meaning that of my children no...

Remainder of Christmas This time of year really seems to stress everyone out...hurrying to buy gifts, making sure that all the groceries are bought for that perfect Christmas meal; the wrapping of gifts and decorating the tree and the house...it's no wonder that people get depressed or have bouts of anxiety. I know I do. For me, the pressure builds and builds...as I have said before, I always want to do more for my kids and grandchildren, yet I also know that there is only so much that my finances allow.  I really thought this holiday season would bog me down mentally and emotionally since this is the first year that I have not celebrated Thanksgiving or Christmas with at least one of my kids and their children. However, I was surprised that I wasn't...I was sad and did miss not being with them when they got up Christmas morning to open their presents, but it wasn't as bad as I had feared it would be. It always amazes me though that we all got through this busines...

I am having a really hard time understanding how two women who have paid their rent on time, bothered no one--with no attempts to befriend the neighbors, and who have minded their own business can be reduced to a state of paranoia over the past few weeks. Since the whole episode happened with the trailer having (supposedly) been sold , the ordeal with the dogs that I described in my earlier post,  Evil People, dog tales and moving my daughter and I have come to expect the unexpected, listening for unusual noises at night and been very worried that something will occur that will throw us into another tail spin and grow the anxiety and fear even more. It's not the legality of the situation that is causing the problem...it's the "illegalities" that I am concerned with.  What I mean is that we would not put it past anyone here to do something to my daughter's car, like scratch the paint or flatten tires...just for spite. In the past 3 weeks or so we have he...