|Leaving behind the recent past|
I know I have been really bad about keeping everyone posted about my life over the past 5 years. As of the 2nd of September, things changed and what was, no longer is.
Five years ago this past May, I happened to figuratively bump into a guy I'd gone to school with. He had returned to New York after living in the South for most of a decade. He wanted to know if we could get together for a 'catch-up' session, I said "Sure".
I never expected that we would click right off the bat. We did though and by the end of the day that we spent together, I was hooked and didn't want him to leave. I had never had this kind of feeling of ease with anyone before.
From that point on, it was like we'd found our soul mates. By that November, we had moved in together and life was good. We blended very well for the first year or so then things gradually started to change and the red flags started to pop up on occasion. I ignored them.
As each month and each year passed, we started drifting apart. Don't get me wrong...we had more good times than bad, but the bad times started happening more and more often. And when he was angry, everything was MY fault. (He wouldn't take the blame for any wrong doing.)
He tried his best to convince me that I had Alzheimers, or dementia. It got to the point where I was concerned enough to see my doctor. She listened to my complaints (and his since he went with me that day) and put me through testing. When all was said and done...there wasn't anything wrong with me, other than some forgetfulness we get as we age.
Now that he couldn't use those things against me, I became "stupid" and "an idiot", "ungrateful" and his most recent slam: I am "selfish". I have to tell you that never in my life have I cried more than when I was with him.
So much for finding my soulmate.
Two months ago, we got into a couple of really bad verbal arguments and something clicked inside me that said this has to stop. I could not continue living with the verbal, mental and emotional abuse. I didn't cry. I got MAD. Very mad.
All through the time he and I were together, he always hung one thing over my head...if I made him really mad, he'd walk out on me. I don't know how many times I told him "Fine, then go!" But he didn't. So this time when he reminded me what he'd do if I kept things up...I told him to go. And that's when the doors on my heart closed for the finally time. My wall went up and from that point on, I fought hard for myself.
I let my bestfriend know what was going on and she wanted me to come here to get my mind right again and relax. I came to Michigan on September 2nd...and I will remain here until October 28th. Being here only solidified the fact I DID make the right decision, and with no regrets.
I can say that during the good times he and I had, he did a lot for me...by taking me to places I'd never been before. I went to a zoo for the first time, went on a Southern vacation for a week...seeing Florida, Mississippi, Alabama and Louisiana. On one of my birthdays, he took me to a castle in upstate NY to spend a night there where he wined and dined me. These are just a few of the really nice times we had.
Anyways, I've begun a new chapter in my life. So far...so good! When I return home, it will be to a new apartment which is closer to my children and 5 (of 7) of my grandchildren. My only regret is that it's put me farther from 2 grandchildren that live closer to where I lived with "him". But at least now they can come visit me and stay a whole weekend! (He didn't like having them around for more than an evening and the following morning...less than 24 hours.)
Okay, I've rambled on long enough but this will give you a general idea of where I've been over the last 5 years. I want to add a final note: while I was with him, I lost my 'self', lost my passion for life, for living, for crafting and for photography.
Why? Depression, I'm sure.
But I'm back!!!
Have a great day everyone!
Thanks for reading...