Serendipity

The words in this image say it all.  The very words, "You've changed" is something that two of my kids have told me time and time again...to the point that I am wondering what exactly their expectations of me are. I am the mother of three adult children, who are and have been out on their own for years. But when I had my breakdown, I moved in with my daughter and there I lived until the beginning of September.  She often would look at me and tell me that she missed the mom that she had when she was a teenager...and my response would be that I am not the same person that I was then. Too much life has been lived and too many changes have taken place. I have evolved, trying to find out who I am, apart from being a daughter, sister, mother and having been a wife three times. My oldest son, recently sent me a letter too, saying that I have changed...I am not the mom that he remembers. It wasn't a pleasant letter, and has caused me some anger, frustration and has m...

I am the first to admit that I haven't had the best of luck with love...having been married and divorced three times...whether it was because of what he did or because of something I did or did not do.  And here I am, 10 years after my breakdown, finding out that sometimes, love isn't enough to make things work.   Essentially, my move to Wisconsin didn't turn out like I hoped/dreamed it would.  I really thought, I really believed I was ready for a new start, a new relationship...but I am not.  Not mentally or emotionally.  Too many ghosts still haunt me, too much has happened too fast.  I took too big of a step and have spent that last couple of weeks in misery...my depression has returned along with a ton of self-doubts. Also, there is the fact that this man and I don't mesh as well as I thought we would...we are too old and too set in our ways.  When we clash, we clash hard yet we have had some wonderful times together...I can't deny that....