Serendipity

According to the Knight Rider News Service, the inscription on the metal  bands used by the US Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has  been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey,  abbreviated as "Wash. Biol. Surv."; until the agency received the  following letter from an Arkansas camper:     "Dear Sirs:     While camping last week I shot one of your birds.  I think it was a  crow.  I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and want to  tell you it tasted horrible." The bands are now marked "Fish & Wildlife Service." LOL  Have a good day/evening!  Deb

1.  A day without sunshine is like night. 2.. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5. Remember, half the people you know are below average. 6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap. 9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have. 10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. 12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. 13. How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand. 14. OK, so what's the speed of dark? 15. When everything is coming your way, you're inthe wrong lane. 16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. 17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? 18. Eagles may soar, bu

 --Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that the had died of a "massive internal fart." --Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and  began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. Now your left." Again, a flawless read. Now both," I requested . There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered I was laughing too hard to finish the exam. --Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me,

Some 'Senior' personal ads seen in ''the Villages'' Florida newspapers: (Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor?) FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus. LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem. SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times. WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy. BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar.

( 1 ) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10 -- ( 2 ) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kirsten, age 10 -- WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? ( 1 ) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10 -- ( 2 ) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. -- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age) WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? ( 1 ) Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE ( 1 ) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure) ( 2 ) On the first date

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -- Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure" -- Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." -- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -- Mark Twain "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -- Oscar Wilde "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend. If you have one." -- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill followed by Churchill's response: "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second, if there is one." "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."