Serendipity

Last Tuesday, was probably the worst day of my life. It almost was the end of my life if I hadn't done what my doctor ordered. Truth is, I hadn't been feeling well for quite some but had no idea as to the cause for it. I'd gotten so used to this state of being that it wasn't until things got progressively worse that I scheduled a doctor's appointment for last Tuesday. (August 13, 2019.) My doctor asked me what was going on so I told her that there were several things going on: having extreme auras without the migraine; my balance was way off; so exhausted all the time; muscle weakness to the point simple tasks literally wore me out; shakey legs so that it was all I could do to remain standing; nausea without vomiting; brief headaches without the auras were the worst of my complaints.  Starting off, she didn't know what to say so started with getting my vitals. She tried to get my blood pressure but could not find it. So she asked her nurse to try...ag...

1.  Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? 2.  Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? 3.  If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? 4.  If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? 5.  Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? 6.  Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing? 7.  Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing? 8.  Why do "tug" boats push their barges? 9.  Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there? 10.  Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting? 11.  Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"? 12.  Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected? 13.  Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites? 14.  Why do "overlook" and "oversee" m...

Question : If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer : "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff." -- Mariah Carey "I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law." -- David Dinkins, former New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes. "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part...

1. The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient. 2. My therapist said  that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me. 3. My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I've gained since then. 4. I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?” 5. Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks! 6. If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “Thank you” is all I need ... not all this, “How did you get into my house?” business! 7. The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something. 8. On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week. Whereas, a Japanese man will hav...

Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.  Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. You watch the Weather Channel. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up." You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning  of one. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3...

IBS-D changes the way you live It wasn't that long ago, maybe 4-5 years, that I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I'd always known something wasn't right with me, there would be times that my skin felt like it was on fire and that anything touching my skin like clothing, made it almost intolerable. I've felt this since I was maybe 15 or 16 years old. (My mom likely had the same thing, as she also complained of this.) If you don't know Fibromyalgia is, the Mayo Clinic says:  " Fibromyalgia is a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory and mood issues. Researchers believe that fibromyalgia amplifies painful sensations by affecting the way your brain processes pain signals. While there is no cure for Fibromyalgia, a variety of medications can help control symptoms. Exercise, relaxation and stress-reduction measures also may help." I take medication that really helps the nerves not misfire an...

There are a lot of folks who can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in America. Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical. All our oil is in Alaska, Texas, California, and Oklahoma. All our dipsticks are in Washington, DC.  Sorry--I had to share because there is a bit of truth in this! :) Thanks for reading! D

1.  If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2.  Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. 3.  Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any  more than going     to a garage makes you a mechanic. 4.  Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 5.  If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never     tried before. 6.  My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a  glance. 7.  Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that  life is     serious. 8.  It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. 9.  For every action, there is an equal and opposite government     program. 10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the     trip. 11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so     good. 13. Eat well, stay fit, die...

This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny! NAME: Greg Bulmash. SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person. DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. SALARY: Less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE...

A friend of mine on Facebook posted this a few days ago and I thought it was worth putting out there.... " My parents beat me as a child and I am not traumatized," said the man his ex-partner reported for physical violence. "When I was a child they left me crying alone until I fell asleep and it was so bad I did not go out," said the man who spends long hours in social networks, affecting his sleep. "They punished me as a child and I'm fine," said the man who, every time he makes a mistake, says to himself words of contempt, as a form of self-punishment. "As a child, they put a heavy hand on me and I suffer from a trauma called 'education'," said the woman who still does not understand why all of her partners end up being aggressive. "When I became capricious as a child, my father locked me in a room alone to learn and today I appreciate it," said the woman who has suffered anxiety attacks and can not expla...

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam paper: "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat), or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant thereof. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since, there are more than one of these religions, and since people do...

Corruption...Fraud, Gambling, Prostitution, Extortion, Drugs, Physical/Emotional/Sexual abuse… It sounds like your everyday criminal activity, right? It is, but in a place you’d least expect it. Inside prison walls. The very place we send those to stop this kind of criminal activity. But it doesn’t stop them. They are criminals after all. I hate to burst your bubble but it’s not the inmates that I am talking about. I am referring to the criminal activities that are committed on a daily basis by the correction officers themselves. The very officers we hold to a higher standard and believe they risk their lives daily while working in these prisons, keeping control of the “criminals” sentenced there. Some of us look at these men and women officers with a high degree of respect. We have all seen commercials on TV or heard ads on the radio telling the state and every community how they risk their lives every day asking us to donate money and support these officers that work f...