Serendipity

1. The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient. 2. My therapist said  that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me. 3. My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I've gained since then. 4. I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?” 5. Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks! 6. If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “Thank you” is all I need ... not all this, “How did you get into my house?” business! 7. The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something. 8. On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week. Whereas, a Japanese man will hav...

Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.  Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. You watch the Weather Channel. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up." You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning  of one. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3...

IBS-D changes the way you live It wasn't that long ago, maybe 4-5 years, that I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I'd always known something wasn't right with me, there would be times that my skin felt like it was on fire and that anything touching my skin like clothing, made it almost intolerable. I've felt this since I was maybe 15 or 16 years old. (My mom likely had the same thing, as she also complained of this.) If you don't know Fibromyalgia is, the Mayo Clinic says:  " Fibromyalgia is a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory and mood issues. Researchers believe that fibromyalgia amplifies painful sensations by affecting the way your brain processes pain signals. While there is no cure for Fibromyalgia, a variety of medications can help control symptoms. Exercise, relaxation and stress-reduction measures also may help." I take medication that really helps the nerves not misfire an...