Posts

Showing posts from September, 2013

Genius (Humor)

Image
I f you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius. (On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)  Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"     --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss US A contest. "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign "I've never had

Bumper Sticker Humor

Image
*Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. *I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. *WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. *Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder. *IRS We've got what it takes to take what you've got. *Out of my mind...Back in five minutes. *Hang up and drive. *I took an IQ test and the results were negative. *Where there's a will...I want to be in it. *It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. *Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? *Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home. *Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else. *If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of car payments. *I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money. *Never take life seriously. *Nobody gets out alive, anyway. *Never knock on Death's door: Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that) *I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. *You have the ri