Serendipity

1. Refuse to take action on nagging problems. Procrastinate, brood, and if possible, lose some sleep over them. 2. Make a concerted effort to take note of irritations in your life and blow them out of proportion. 3. Consider the power of negative thinking. 4. Hide your sense of humor. Erase the words smile, joke, and laugh from your vocabulary; concentrate on frowning. 5. If you've been working a 60 hour week, try 65 or 70 or 75! Spending more time at work will give you less time to consider how stressed you are. 6. Consume vast quantities of caffeine. As a stimulant it will ensure that you are awake day and night. 7. Practice the art of "hurry up and wait". This means dashing off to join a line-up somewhere - like the bank, cinema, or ticket outlet. 8. Make sure you drive no further than two feet from the car in front. 9. To relieve boredom while waiting for traffic lights, pretend you are on the starting grid for the Indy 500. 10. Never read a book or listen to mu...

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where the hell she is. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier. If you are going to try cross-county skiing, start with a small country. I don't jog; it makes the ice jump right out of my glass. It is well documented that for every mile that you jog..... you add one minute to your life .... This enables you, at 85 years old......