Sunday, August 26, 2012

Life's Insights






1. "I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." - Michael Flatley 
(lead Riverdancer) 

 2. (On the difference between men and women:) "On the one hand, we'll 
never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own 
jars." - Bruce Willis 

3. "And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything 
on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on 
Satan.'" - George Burns 

4. "What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 
'Hold my purse.'" - Sandra Bullock 

5. "The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a 
twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out 
there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and 
the computer will ask, 'Specify type of goat.'" -Jason Alexander (from 
Seinfeld) 

6. "Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die." -Carmen Boyle (Olympic 
Luge Gold Medal winner 1996) 

7. "There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: 
Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do." - Henry 
Kissenger (former US Secretary of State) 

8. "My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the 
natural enemy of a tightrope walker." - Dan Rather (News anchorman) 

9. "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 
'Thyroid problem?'" - Arnold Schwarzenegger 

10. "Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're 
in." - Courtney Cox (Monica on "Friends") 

11. "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. 
Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." - Tiger Woods 

12. "I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in 
poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently 
doing quite well for themselves." - Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead) 

13. "I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured 
by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." - Axel Rose 
(Guns'n'Roses) 

14. "Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment 
turns the state into a gay dungeon-master." - Rev. Jesse Jackson 

15. "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." - Jack 
Nicholson



[Thanks for stopping by!]



         

2 comments:

  1. Funny! That last one really cracked me up!
    -L-

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL And it figures he'd say that too! :)

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