Serendipity

And your crybaby  whiny  opinion would be...?  This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.  I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.  I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.  Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.  If I throw a stick, will you leave?  I f I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my  cats.  Does your train of thought have a caboose?  Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.  A PBS mind in an MTV world.  Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.  Suburbia: where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.  Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.  See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.  Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.  A woman's favorite position is CEO.  I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.  A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. 

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time) Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. Law of the Result: When

1. "I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." - Michael Flatley  (lead Riverdancer)   2. (On the difference between men and women:) "On the one hand, we'll  never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own  jars." - Bruce Willis  3. "And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything  on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on  Satan.'" - George Burns  4. "What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?  'Hold my purse.'" - Sandra Bullock  5. "The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a  twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out  there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and  the computer will ask, 'Specify type of goat.'" -Jason Alexander (from  Seinfeld)  6. "Luge strategy? Lie flat and t

Th e    following questions were set in last year's GED examination  These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............they walk amongst us and they WILL breed. Q. Name the four seasons A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar      (Good choice)    Q. How is dew formed A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire      ......sigh.... Q. What causes the tides in the oceans A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight      .....me too? Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election         Q. What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs               (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope) Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A. Premature death                  (It stands to reason) Q. Wh