Hotel Correspondence (Humor but supposedly a true story!)

Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a 

London hotel's staff and one of its guests.  The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times.

WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THOSE "FREE" SOAPS WHEN TRAVELLING

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Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom

since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial.  Please remove the six

unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another

three in the shower soap dish.  They are in my way. 

Thank you,

S. Berman

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Dear Room 635,

I am not your regular maid.  She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from

her day off.  I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as

you requested.  The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put

on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind.

This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the

management is to leave 3 soaps daily.

I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy, Relief Maid

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Dear Maid -- 

I hope you are my regular maid.

Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the

little bars of soap.  When I got back to my room this evening I found

you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I

am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought 

my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are 

on the shelf.  They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. 

Please remove them.

S. Berman

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Dear Mr. Berman,

My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we

are instructed by the management.  I took the 6 soaps which were in 

your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial 

was.  I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I 

didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside

the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did 

not object to when you checked in last Monday.  Please let me

know if I can of further assistance. 

Your regular maid,

Dotty

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Dear Mr. Berman,

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you

called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid

service.  I have assigned a new girl to your room.  I hope you will

accept my apologies for any past inconvenience.  If you have any

future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal

attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.  

Thank you.

Elaine Carmen

Housekeeper

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Dear Miss Carmen,

It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for

business at 745 AM and don't get back before 530 or 6PM.  That's the

reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night.  You were already off duty.

I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little

bars of soap.  The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a

new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my

medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the

bath-room shelf.  In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars

of soap.  Why are you doing this to me?

S. Berman

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Dear Mr. Berman,

Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your

room and remove the extra soaps.  If I can be of further assistance,

please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.  

Thank you,

Elaine Carmen,

Housekeeper

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Dear Mr. Kensedder,

My bath-size Dial is missing.  Every bar of soap was taken from my room

including my own bath-size Dial.  I came in late last night and had to

call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.

S. Berman

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Dear Mr. Berman,

I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. 

I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our 

maids  are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a 

room. The situation will be rectified immediately.  Please accept my 

apologies for the inconvenience.

Martin L. Kensedder

Assistant Manager

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Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room?  I came in last

night and found 54 little bars of soap.  I don't want 54 little bars

of Camay.  I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial.  Do you realize I

have 54 bars of soap in here.  All I want is my bath size Dial.

Please give me back my bath-size Dial.

S. Berman

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Dear Mr. Berman,

You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. 

Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was 

missing so I personally returned them.  The 24 Camays which had 

been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily (sic).  

I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets.  Obviously 

your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she 

also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where 

you got the idea this hotel issues  bath-size Dial.  I was able to locate 

some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.

Elaine Carmen

Housekeeper

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Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.

As of today I possess:

- On shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1

stack of 2.

- On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.

- On bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4

hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4. - Inside medicine

cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.

- In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.

- On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used. - On

northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are

neatly piled and dusted.  Also, please advise her that stacks of more

than 4 have a tendency to tip.  May I suggest that my bedroom window

sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap

deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized

Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further

misunderstandings.

Thanks for reading!