Changes

Again, my life has slid sideways, and I initiated a change to save my physical health as well as my mental health. I sure can pick them, and again, I picked another loser, one who changed over time, as did I. We had a very toxic relationship in these last few years, which steadily got worse to the point I hit him in the mouth, and he hit me in the nose area. From that point on, we raised our hands/fists when the arguments were getting out of control as were our tempers.

Let me backtrack. The first years were tolerable; we had the typical spats that were over and forgotten in less than 5 minutes. But as these last couple of years came upon us, the arguments became more verbally violent, the words that we spit out of our mouths were not pretty...and it was so not me. In all of my 66 years, my temper NEVER flared like it did with him. He set me off and if not, it was me setting him off. 

To be honest, call me a bit crazy, but it was his house. It was the house that was doing that to us but only I could see it. 

His house is an old house, nearly 100 years old and it has a stone foundation. The house is damp, no matter the time of the year. The cellar had a partial poured floor, the rest was dirt, and when it rained a lot or hard, the one end of the cellar would slightly flood. You know as well as I that under those constant conditions, there was at least black mold. 

The kitchen sink was leaking when I moved in there, and later around the faucet. I can tell you there was 100% black mold under that sink and the smell that came from under there was disgusting. All there were, were promises to get it fixed as soon as he could financially. It never happened. 

Bottom line, these things were affecting my health. I have COPD and depression/PTSD, which got steadily worse from the whole situation. I had simply and completely gone from caring about the how the house looked inside to not giving a damn. I did not care. I didn't have any feelings for him...I did not care.

About 1 month ago, I made that change and moved out and haven't looked back. I live in senior housing, alone. No men, no pets, just me. I love it! I feel better and have now lost 30 pounds in the last few months total, with much more to go. I feel healthier, both mentally and physically. 

Yay me!

Thanks for reading!

Deb