Serendipity

1.  Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? 2.  Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? 3.  If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? 4.  If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? 5.  Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? 6.  Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing? 7.  Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing? 8.  Why do "tug" boats push their barges? 9.  Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there? 10.  Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting? 11.  Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"? 12.  Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected? 13.  Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites? 14.  Why do "overlook" and "oversee" m...

Question : If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer : "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff." -- Mariah Carey "I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law." -- David Dinkins, former New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes. "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part...

1. The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient. 2. My therapist said  that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me. 3. My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I've gained since then. 4. I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?” 5. Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks! 6. If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “Thank you” is all I need ... not all this, “How did you get into my house?” business! 7. The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something. 8. On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week. Whereas, a Japanese man will hav...

Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.  Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. You watch the Weather Channel. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up." You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning  of one. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3...

IBS-D changes the way you live It wasn't that long ago, maybe 4-5 years, that I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I'd always known something wasn't right with me, there would be times that my skin felt like it was on fire and that anything touching my skin like clothing, made it almost intolerable. I've felt this since I was maybe 15 or 16 years old. (My mom likely had the same thing, as she also complained of this.) If you don't know Fibromyalgia is, the Mayo Clinic says:  " Fibromyalgia is a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory and mood issues. Researchers believe that fibromyalgia amplifies painful sensations by affecting the way your brain processes pain signals. While there is no cure for Fibromyalgia, a variety of medications can help control symptoms. Exercise, relaxation and stress-reduction measures also may help." I take medication that really helps the nerves not misfire an...

There are a lot of folks who can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in America. Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical. All our oil is in Alaska, Texas, California, and Oklahoma. All our dipsticks are in Washington, DC.  Sorry--I had to share because there is a bit of truth in this! :) Thanks for reading! D

1.  If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2.  Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. 3.  Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any  more than going     to a garage makes you a mechanic. 4.  Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 5.  If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never     tried before. 6.  My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a  glance. 7.  Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that  life is     serious. 8.  It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. 9.  For every action, there is an equal and opposite government     program. 10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the     trip. 11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so     good. 13. Eat well, stay fit, die...