Four Years and 8 Months

Four years and 8 months ago, I moved from my brother's home into my own apartment with my then boyfriend. It was great! We had no kids, we could come and go as we pleased, and do as we pleased. Life was good.

Until I learned different things about this man who I had gone to school with back in junior high and senior high. Red flags popped up here and there, but I thought we were still in the getting-to-know-you faze. 

Time passed.

I learned that this man had a temper, a rotten attitude and a foul mouth that as time passed only got worse. And worse. And every time we argued, it was MY fault. Something I did...or did not do...made him mad. VERY mad. 

I would cry. A lot. He would taunt me, calling me a "baby". Name calling would bring the tears and he'd say "they are only words". But I have to tell you that in all my years on this planet, I never cried as much as I did with him. Words hurt. They aren't the minute things we were taught in school: 'sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me'. Words do hurt.

This isn't the only time that I suffered through mental and emotional abuse, but this time was the absolute worst that I've ever dealt with. My ex-husbands were a cakewalk compared to this man.

Don't get me wrong, we had a lot of great times together, and he took me to places I'd never been before and showed me places I'd never seen before. When he was good to me, he was the man that I fell in love with. But then, the darker side of him would emerge and it wasn't pretty.

During the time we were together, I was constantly reminded that if I didn't do this or stop that, he would pack up and leave. It always had to be ME that changed...not him. I was the to blame for our arguments.

I think I did at one point start believing him that it was me that was causing our issues. But then, I would think back to when I was in therapy...and I knew better. Within the last two months, the arguments escalated and they were bad...verbally between us. I was determined he was NOT going to continue to degrade me and bully me. 

In very last argument he said we were done I made sure that despite trying to talk things out we WERE done. I had had enough. Although the apartment we lived in was in my name first, I opted to leave. I am glad that I did and with no regrets.

Last night while I was on Facebook, I came across an article that could have been written about me. It's called: "4 Signs You're Being Gas-Lighted". I had never heard of this term before. (Ladies, it's a good article to read if you suspect you are in a bad place with the man in your life.) But it fit my situation to a 'T'. 

I am okay now, staying with some friends for a bit to relax and purge the recent past out of system. I know I did the right thing for me. 

Be safe and stay strong.

Deb