|spirit cloud not unlike what I experienced in 1977 - 1982|
Many of us are aware that there are both malevolent and benevolent spirits, and in my previous blog posts, I have talked about those that were malevolent...as least in my interpretation. But I have met benevolent spirits as well...although in this particular story, at the time things were happening I wasn't sure which it was.
Maybe I still don't.
My oldest son was born in July 1977 and that Fall/Winter I had my first real encounter with the spirit world. As I lay in bed one night, with my baby and husband, I had not yet drifted off to sleep and just lay there looking around the room, which was slightly lit from the street lights outside the house. Our bedroom door was open and I could look out upon the stairway that led downstairs, although there was nothing to see as everyone else in the household had gone to bed too.
My mind was busy, which is probably why I hadn't gone to sleep...I have a hard time even now, getting my mind to shut down at night...it's always replaying things that may have happened during the day, or I may even be worried about one thing or another.
For whatever reason, my eyes were drawn back to the stairwell...and I had a severe case of anxiety all of a sudden. I watched and could see what looked like a cloud of smoke coming up the steps and when it got to the top, it drifted into the bedroom and hovered over the bed.
Then, I could feel my body being pushed down into the mattress as if there was something very heavy laying on me, and all my muscles froze. I couldn't breathe all that well, my voice was locked in my throat, and I couldn't move at all. The pressure grew greater and with fear driving me, I forced myself to move a finger to touch my son laying next to me and then the cloud was gone.
This happened at least once a week for most of the next couple of years, then the visits became less often, although they never stopped. We had a chance to move into our own place, a couple small towns away from Corning, NY...and we grabbed it. With the move, I silently prayed that whatever was haunting me would not follow.
After we were there for a few months, my (first) husband left me. I was okay with that...I had had enough of his nonsense, partying all the time, disappearing for days at a time...and cheating on me every chance he got. It was just Shawn and I...and I was loving it.
One night, as I sat in bed reading, and Shawn lay next to me sleeping, I happened to feel a chill and looked down the hallway of the trailer. My first reaction was shock and then fear...but I was tired of this...tired of being afraid of the cloud that was moving toward the bedroom.
Knowing that I had to be in a position to be able to touch my son, should I need to escape this thing, I slid down on the bed, but never once took my eyes off it and at the same time, I started talking to it before it started pushing me down into the mattress.
"Who are you?" I asked. "What do you want from me?"
Continuing, "Are you my mom? If you are, I am okay...really, I am."
The cloud remained hovering but didn't settle down on top of me as heavily as it had in the past.
"Mom, is that you? Show me a sign if it is...please! I love you, Mom!" Within seconds, it was gone.
It's never come back since that last time, whatever I did apparently I did right. If it was my mom, she must have been trying to communicate something to me.
If it wasn't my mom's spirit...then I don't know what it was and choose not to think about what could have happened had I not found that inner strength and my own faith to fight this "thing".
I am just glad that it's over.