Serendipity

The objects of an fetish and/or obsession Fetish: an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression. Obsession:   a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling. ********************* In the days since I have been back home, I have struggled as to how to tell this story, to give myself some distance and perspective and it's not been easy.  It's all still too disturbing to me, too painful...but there is a need to tell it...to make some sense out of something that I don't understand.   I never expected what happened to happen...I'd  heard of people fantasizing, and was aware of such things as fetishes and obsessions...but nothing prepared me for what lay ahead. I admit, at first I was curious...however, when it came to having it shoved down my throat or get ve...

New view from where I live now Truth be told, I hate, hate, hate moving... but worse... the unpacking.  This time though, there was a lot of hurt, anger and sorrow that came out of those boxes along with what was left of my life. I will be 53 toward the end of this month, and those 13 boxes of material and sentimental possessions are all that's left of my life.  It isn't much...not really.  No dishes, very little in the line of clothing, less than 2 dozen books, about a dozen nick nacks, important papers, computer supplies, 3 pair of shoes, all my photos that hung on the wall or were in photo albums (to conserve space, I stripped all the photos out of their frames and albums)...a nd my computer. My heart ached as I pulled various items out of the boxes...remembering what I once had, and what I had to leave behind. Eleven years ago, at the end of my last marriage, when I moved out, I had everything to restart a new household and home. When I moved in with my daugh...

When I made the decision to move to Wisconsin, I hadn't thought at the time that I had any real expectations, other than to enjoy a new start to the next adventure in my life...living one day at a time. Driving that moving van with what little belongings I had...perhaps a third of a 10-foot truck full...I was excited!  I felt so youthful again, as silly as that sounds, I'd found my spontaneity again...and was spreading my wings. The first couple of weeks there...I was so sure that I had made the right decision, that I had found a place to belong...had found a place I could again call "home".  I was in love again...and everything was falling in place. Out of the blue, he and I had our first argument, on which the following ones were built, an argument that could not find a compromise. Neither of us were willing to give in, but the biggest issue is that he wanted me to change and be someone I was not. By the end of the 2nd week there, I knew I was coming home.....

It's been some years since I've flown...the last time was prior to 9/11, and as we know...so many changes have taken place. I rather dreaded the idea of going through security at Minneapolis Airport, but I'd done my best to make sure that I wouldn't have any major problems...left behind anything over 3.5 ounces of liquid (perfume) and no aerosol anything (brand new can of hairspray got left behind in WI).  I felt confident I could get through the security check with no problems! The check-point consisted of little more than a metal detector, or that's what it looked like.  When directed to, I walked through and thought to myself I'd aced it...until I heard something beep, and an officer told me to stand aside, as I had triggered a "random check".  Of my sneakers!  Yep--they tested the bottom of my sneakers!  And of course, they came back 'clean'. Then I was on my way...headed for Philadelphia Airport.  Being a smoker poses a bit of a proble...

I thought it would be appropriate that I write this last blog from Wisconsin, letting everyone know that Tuesday morning I am flying back to New York where even more uncertainty awaits me...as well as my loved ones.  I do not accept changes well, although this one is necessary for me...a chance to heal from a relationship that wasn't meant to be. I can't say how long I will be offline, but hopefully not too long...there is still much to tell, as my life is forever rapidly changing. Until next time...

I am the first to admit that I haven't had the best of luck with love...having been married and divorced three times...whether it was because of what he did or because of something I did or did not do.  And here I am, 10 years after my breakdown, finding out that sometimes, love isn't enough to make things work.   Essentially, my move to Wisconsin didn't turn out like I hoped/dreamed it would.  I really thought, I really believed I was ready for a new start, a new relationship...but I am not.  Not mentally or emotionally.  Too many ghosts still haunt me, too much has happened too fast.  I took too big of a step and have spent that last couple of weeks in misery...my depression has returned along with a ton of self-doubts. Also, there is the fact that this man and I don't mesh as well as I thought we would...we are too old and too set in our ways.  When we clash, we clash hard yet we have had some wonderful times together...I can't deny that....

I'm always up to seeing new kinds of wildlife and here in Wisconsin, I was able to see and watch a new creature that is unfamiliar to me.  The 13-Lined Ground Squirrel is something that we do not have in NY...and this one was particularly amusing as the images show! 13 Lined Ground Squirrel (aka Striped Gopher) does not (to me) seem like a gopher, yet they are listed in that category.  Part squirrel, part rodent, part chipmunk...these little animals seem to be an all-in-one creature! On my first days here, the following 3 photos were taken out in the yard.  Then, this particular fellow (or female as I have no way of knowing their sex) was very shy. I had to use the zoom to even get a close-up view of him... And try as I might, he would not sit pretty for me! Yesterday, while outside, he was back in his favorite part of the yard...and has since grown accustomed to my presence.  I was able to get several poses of him...   Here's looking at you...LOL ...