Unpacking...and sorrow

New view from where I live now

Truth be told, I hate, hate, hate moving...but worse...the unpacking.  This time though, there was a lot of hurt, anger and sorrow that came out of those boxes along with what was left of my life.

I will be 53 toward the end of this month, and those 13 boxes of material and sentimental possessions are all that's left of my life.  It isn't much...not really.  No dishes, very little in the line of clothing, less than 2 dozen books, about a dozen nick nacks, important papers, computer supplies, 3 pair of shoes, all my photos that hung on the wall or were in photo albums (to conserve space, I stripped all the photos out of their frames and albums)...and my computer. My heart ached as I pulled various items out of the boxes...remembering what I once had, and what I had to leave behind.

Eleven years ago, at the end of my last marriage, when I moved out, I had everything to restart a new household and home. When I moved in with my daughter about a year later, during my breakdown, much was put to use in her home. But as time passed...many of those items became too beaten to use, or they were sold for any number of reasons...until all I did have left was my bed, dresser, books, clothing and shoes, photos, and very few dishes. Plus...this, my computer.

Moving to Wisconsin, I left the bed and dresser behind for my one grand-daughter, who was in need of them...and then...moving back to New York...2/3rds of my belongings were left behind.  A third of a rental van had dwindled down to 13 boxes.

There are so many wonderful memories that I did bring back with me that didn't need to be shipped in boxes, along with some pain and anger, a bit of self-doubt, a shaken spirit that I didn't have to carefully wrap for packing. As for the sorrow...she flew with me back to New York and I shared many tears with her.

My spirit is a strong one, and I am healing one day at a time, trying to remain positive in the face of uncertainty. I am very thankful that I do have what I have...that which goes beyond material possessions...and that's a family that is very supportive for me mentally and emotionally.