Thursday, June 16, 2011

A New Beginning

When I had my breakdown in the Winter of 2001, it was a shattering of my entire being...physically, mentally and emotionally.  Like the shattered mirror...that's how I viewed myself...I could no longer see myself clearly as a person.  Every bit of me felt disconnected.

I truly believed that I would never see the day ahead of  me where I was once again whole...and I may never see myself as whole...but I've found a beginning point over the last few days.

It wasn't until just recently, when discussing things with someone that I had just met and while describing the things that had happened to me in the past, he told me that "whatever it is you are looking for isn't in the past".  

That had to be the most profound thing I've ever heard...and made more sense to me than anything I've done or tried.  It's like I was given a key to the lock that has kept me from moving forward with my self and my life.

I have been trying so hard to piece myself back together...holding on to those terrible things that had happened to me, hoping that I could decipher just exactly who it is that I am...only to realize that I am right here.  I am the person that looks back at me in the bathroom mirror each and every day.  Nothing has changed...yet I have grown, and I know that I have.

But now...I realize that who I am looking for in the past, isn't there..she is here, in the present...with so much life left to live and love to yet to give.  She is older and wiser...yet still yearns to be loved and has a thirst for knowledge that can never be denied.  She is still young in spirit, talented and maybe still a little bit beautiful in her own right.

She is me.

I have always believed that with each new thing we encounter, it begins a new chapter in our life stories...and I am now at the beginning of a new chapter of my own story. 

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