Saturday, October 15, 2011

Dating...via the Internet

For all the years that I have been on the net, I always believed that dating via the internet was a bad idea. It's too easy to hide the truth of who you are, your intentions, even what you really look like. I still hold to that belief...but it's because I have lived the lie. 

He and I met via Facebook, a friend of a friend of a friend and he approached me first. I was very reluctant to accept the friend request, but looking at his profile, he was disabled and looked honest enough...he had farmer's blood in him, like I do. I honestly thought that being that we shared the same basic traits...he'd be someone I'd like to know. 

He wasn't handsome per se, but nor do I feel that I am all that great looking. We both are in our fifties, and we look our ages...weight has settled in as has the graying of our hair and even the wrinkles on our faces.  

We began chatting via Yahoo messenger, first only for maybe 15 to 30 minutes a day...breaking the ice and starting to get to know each other. It evolved to where we would spend the whole day chatting back and forth, talking about anything and everything. On the plus side, he had a webcam (I do not), so I could see him the whole time...and knew what he was doing the whole time we were online. 

We'd laugh together and even cried together...sometimes at our meals at our computers...together. Although he couldn't see me, he knew I was there. 

For three-plus months, we lived on Yahoo messenger...and fell in love with each other. I truly thought and believed that he was everything he said he was, and everything that I thought I needed in a man. I knew he was wheelchair bound, knew he was still recovering from a stroke.  I knew that life wouldn't be easy there with him...but I acknowledged those facts and believed that I could handle it. 

As the old cliché goes: "You don't know someone until you live with them", I learned that the hard way.  After he and I spent something like $1600 to get me there, after spending a week with him, I learned that he had lied. About so much. 

He made life hard, being incredibly demanding, cussing non-stop, being verbally abusive to his whole family...and at times, even me. He wasn't getting any better from the stroke and I knew he wouldn't unless HE made the effort. He was so very selfish, and he didn't understand me at all. 

He didn't care about the fact that I do have a mental illness (PTSD: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and that I would never be healed. He didn't care that I have herniated discs in my back as well as degenerative arthritis in my back and shoulders...he expected me to do a man's work outside the house. Luckily, his mom stepped in and told him "No!"

The morning that I left, a huge, huge burden was lifted off my shoulders, but the damage had been done: my mental and emotional state was seriously in jeopardy. After setting foot back in New York...I spent the next few days in almost a constant state of having tears in my eyes, confusing, hurt, anger, feeling so lost, so directionless. And at times...yes, I broke down and sobbed. 

The purpose of this entry is to warn every woman out there of the dangers of internet dating.  So much can be hidden and lied about. From a distance, these men can tell you everything that you want to hear...because they have their own agenda. I fell for it, but I pray that someone out there will not. 

I will never attempt dating via the internet...once bitten, I am far more than twice shy. I am back to being satisfied with being single and if it means that I will never share my life with a man be it.  I can't go through what I did again. 

Take care.


  1. It's good that you are sharing this lesson with others. I hope many single people take it to heart! And I'm glad you got out of that situation as quickly as possible! You're as good as they come & you deserve the best!

  2. Thanks, Laura. I am also glad that I left when I did...I would not have been able to hold it together mentally or emotionally any longer, you know?