Reflection

A beginning...or...an end?

As I sit here tonight, there is a lot going through my head. Last night, I received some news that although wasn't surprising, has effected me to some degree. I may be a lot of things, but cold-hearted isn't one of them.

I have talked a lot about a man, who I spent 3-1/2 weeks with, got to know, and learned that he wasn't the kind, sweet man he pretended to be. And regardless of what I feel, it is unfair to continue speaking about that brief time...now when he lies on his death bed in a hospital.

He had another stroke two days ago, and this time, things are far worse.  He was completely paralyzed from what I understand, he could not talk and could only blink his eyes. His prognosis for recovery wasn't good.
 
Tonight though, the information came that said he now can't swallow, and they are forcing fluids into him, trying to make him comfortable...he doesn't have long to live.

I find it very sad to know that his life is close to an end...even though he did what he did to me. I wish no one harm, and definitely not by having a stroke. That has to be one of the worst ways to go....

So I sit here and reflect on our time together, even though it was so short, and I hope that in some small way, I touched his life and made it better...even briefly. I know that however/whatever he was...he was human and needed someone special to love him...just him.  And I did...though it soured far too quickly. 

I don't know what made him into the man he became...and I don't even know that he knew what made him so miserable...so selfish. But there were oh-so-brief moments, that I saw a flicker of a man that was so sweet and kind, totally unselfish and very loving. I think that this is what saddens me the most...knowing that there was that facet of him that he refused to acknowledge and let out for the world to see.

Tonight...say a prayer for this lost man...his time is near, I am afraid. I hope and pray that he finds the peace that he couldn't find here on earth...and that he slips from this life on to the next as painlessly as possible.